Martini Monday: How to order a martini

The internets have asked, and they shall receive: ever since I posted on how to make a martini, I have had several hits from google searchers asking how to order a martini. I too suffer from the fear of looking stupid at the bar, so I am here to help!

Generally, when ordering a martini, there are three things to specify:
1. Gin or Vodka? This is a matter of personal preference.
2. Straight up or on the rocks? Most likely you want "straight up", which means shaken/stirred with ice and strained into a glass. "On the rocks," of course, means on ice. I have no idea why you need to specify straight up anymore, since that's how pretty much everyone drinks them these days, but go ahead and say it. It will make you look like you know what you are talking about. Also, I have accidentally received a martini on the rocks, and believe me, you don't want that to happen.
3. Garnish: olive or twist? Personal preference. The olive will be a spanish olive with pimento, the twist is lemon.

So, for example, you would say, "Vodka martini, straight up, with an olive" (or, if you're me, with extra olives). If you are ordering a gin martini you can usually just say "martini".

These days, everyone drinks their martinis dry (meaning with very little vermouth), so you don't need to say that. In other decades, "wetter" martinis were more popular.

You will then be asked what kind of vodka or gin. Don't screw up your coolness now by ordering something nasty.
Gin: Bombay Sapphire is always a good choice. In the last year, I have developed a taste for Beefeater, which has an orangier taste. It's less expensive but still quite respectable.
Vodka: Don't ask for Absolut or something equally overadvertised and lame. Ketel One is a good one that is available at most bars; Grey Goose isn't a bad choice either.

Other: If you like your martinis dirty (i.e., with olive juice in them), you can just order a "dirty martini" or "vodka martini, dirty" without having to specify the other stuff.

What not to ask for: Even if you buy into that crap that shaking "bruises" the gin, don't ask for your martini to be stirred. The bartender will shake or stir according to their own style. Asking for a particular mixing method will just make you look like an asshole.

Price: If you live in a city where a beer is about $5, expect to pay $8-10 for your martini ($12 or more in a super-swanky bar). If you live in a town where beers are $2-3, a martini will be more like $5-6.

Finally, always remember to tip. I always tip $1 per drink (not per trip to the bar - so if I'm ordering for myself and two friends, that's a $3 tip). The bartenders appreciate this and will subsequently give you better service, especially if it's a busy night. Remember that it takes a lot more work to mix a martini than a well drink or to pour a beer.

Cross-posted at What the hell is wrong with you?

Cocktail Mondays: Beer is the New Cocktail

I was too lazy to mix my own drink today, so we went out for beer at a local brewery place. I was also too lazy to take a picture of the delicious porter I had.

It will come as no surprise that I have some strong opinions on the topic of beer. Like any good drink snob, I prefer imports and local microbrews. My default beer is Bass. I tend towards dark beers, porters and stouts and things like that. Ambers can be good, and the occasional pale ale passes the taste test, but I hate lager. I like beer to taste like beer.

What's your favorite beer?

(Cross-posted at What the Hell is Wrong With You?)

Cocktail Wednesday: The Jealous Queen

(Wednesday is the new Monday. Deal.)

The Jealous Queen
2 parts vodka
1 part triple sec
dash bitters
dash salt

Mix with ice and strain into cocktail glass.

I have a tendency to get overzealous in my dashing of the bitters, as you can see from the color of my drink. But I do love me some bitters. This drink is sweet and savory at the same time. I'm a big fan.

cross-posted at What the hell is wrong with you?